My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
