He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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