No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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