whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
