Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
