i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
