dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize