im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
