Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
