i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
