3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
