I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
