I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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