Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
