i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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