Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
