I heard we made out
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
