Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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