I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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