Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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