dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
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The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
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'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize