I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
