Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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