Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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