It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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