I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
