problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
