Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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