Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
His hands were made for my vagina.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
