Sry I called you an 8
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
