I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
