mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
