I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
