Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
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I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
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I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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