I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
