those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
