After last night, I could never be a politician.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
