She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
