he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize