ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
