You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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