Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
