turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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