this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
