Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
