Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
