so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
