Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
