Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Randomize
