Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You can't motorboat a personality
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
