i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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