I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
