I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
