Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
