I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
