Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
