In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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