i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Houston, we have a blender
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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