Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
